"'Cause you gotta have friends...."

As the song title goes, "you gotta have friends."  Friends can be an important part of your life, and can let you know when it may be time to change your way of thinking about things, or can just be around when you want to get together and goof off.  They can also be an important source of strength, in both good times, and especially in bad times.  And it's true what they say about "a friend in need, is a friend, indeed."

But sometimes, it's hard to make sure those connections can stand up well, even to the tests of time.  And for that matter, sometimes it's harder to find a way to bring new friends into your life.  And for someone like me who values his friends as much as he does his own kinfolk, it can be a very trying experience, indeed.

Recently, I'd lost two friends to battles they had with their individual health issues.  One happened to be one of my dearest friends at one time, and the other, oddly enough, was one of his best friends, and both of them had grown to be very fond of me, something I will cherish til the day that I am finally off this plane of existence.  This hasn't been the first time in the last couple of years that I'd lost a friend, a couple of others-again, one who'd known me for years; the other, had just come to be comfortable calling me a friend-had also passed from certain health issues.  It's hard enough to keep up with anyone and everyone I call friend, but to hear when they pass away is such a heartbreaker for me.  My friends know that when I call you friend-or the reverse is true-that I take that as seriously as possible, and do my best to maintain that bond.

Sometimes, though, you think some friendships can build and last a good long while.  And then you find out that might not be the case.  For the last several months, I'd been upset because a young gent (whom I'd encountered on the internet and elsewhere) and I had lost our connection-but I'd only discovered the connection may not have been as great as I thought, to my sincere regret.  I knew we were as different as night and day, but I'd hoped time would let us build a bond to get over that.  And now after finding out the opposite (and hoping it wouldn't be like that), I have come to the thought to let it go and let time decide what's next, and help me deal with the fact I still kick myself over what was lost and what I could have done better.

The fact is, when I start up a friendship, it's not necessarily looking for "favors" (at least not on the surface-mind you, there are times when ulterior motives can be a factor in any friendship, for that matter).  It's to get to know people-I could care less whether you're black or white, rich or poor, famous or not, my "type" that I'm attracted to or not, it just matters that we make connections, and find out more about each other.  Sometimes the person you may think is a pain in the ass could be the reason you found that lucky break you might be looking for.  And that person might just be worth an extra minute or two of your time.  That person also could be one of the best reasons to go ahead and deal with your life, even if that life has turned into a living hell.  And I know a few folk who have come to be so grateful to me for that exact reason-those are friends worth holding onto, for dear life.  And those are the type of people that when they leave this Earth, those lives are to be celebrated, because they have touched your life in ways that even you might find hard to explain-and while they are here, you do your best to make sure you stay in touch.

But when it comes to people who want to be a part of their life, you can't force the issue, folks.  I know that's one reason my recent "friendship" fell apart, because all I wanted was that one person to think "you know, maybe Matt isn't so bad after all."  If you care enough to reach out, that's fine, but don't overdo it.  Sometimes people are around just to let you know, maybe connections can't be made overnight, or even at all.  Better to let them pass by for a moment and maybe say "hello," then to make their lives as miserable as yours might become.  One of my new dearest friends gave me a not too subtle reminder that sometimes people just come in for a season or reason, and then leave you behind.  Funny, I thought I'd gotten that same advice from a black dude in a dress (you gotta love that Madea).  I sincerely hope that's not the case, but let them go.   If anyone who comes into your life wants you, they'll come back and get you-all you can do is try and make a good projection of yourself, and if you do something wrong, just offer apologies and hope to God they forgive you (and don't think you're like that all the time). 

Like I have found out, some people are only around for a short time.  But if you find someone to share a connection with, make sure you do everything to honor that new friendship, even if you don't see that person for months (even years) at a time. And if that person really becomes a part of your life, make sure that person is honored like you can't possibly do enough for that person.  But even if that person is only around for a short time, even if that person doesn't have a thing in common with you, you never know what can happen if you give them just a half a chance.  Friends can be a treasure that holds a lot of good surprises. 

Just a little something to think about, folks.  I'll talk to ya'll again soon, NUFF SAID.